Many people think that we cats are unpredictable when it comes to grooming. It seems like we enjoy it sometimes, and sometimes we don’t. Or we’ll accept it for a few minutes and then swipe you. Or we run away when you try to pick us up. Do cats love to be petted?
Of course, cats enjoy being petted…as long as humans do it the right way. And if you want to take care of a cat, and have it be a mutually beneficial experience, there is a learning curve. But it’s not that complicated, and once you figure it out, it becomes instinctual. So let me show you how.
Here’s the first rule of thumb for immediate cat care — and it’s the most important:
Let the cat tell you when and how they want to be petted.
It’s that simple. Problems come when people approach a cat that is not in the mood to pet, or continue to pet a cat that doesn’t want it anymore.
When you let the cat start the petting session, you know you have permission. Then it’s just a matter of doing what they want. When you extend your hand, they will direct you.
Cats prefer to control the situation
This is why you should avoid picking up a cat, or hugging a cat tightly. It feels like we’ve lost control, and our instinctive response is to get away as quickly as possible. If you have a cat that loves to be held and cuddled, I can almost guarantee that you and that cat already have a very close long-term relationship. It may even become part of a routine you have with them. This is unusual behavior, and you can consider yourself lucky (and you probably already are).
Where most cats enjoy getting pets.
When you hold out your hand to a cat, they will usually rub their faces against your fingers. And cats prefer petting and petting their cheeks, chin, and the base of their ears. (Don’t try to touch the cat’s ears, though — we don’t like that! Every so often during my cat visit therapy, a patient will touch my ears, and I’ll flick them! Some cats will put the their ears flat when you try so you can’t touch them.)
If a cat is enjoying the session, they may come closer so that you are stroking their back. Many cats like to be stroked on the back, but some do not, so if the cat is not available for longer strokes, continue to do it.
Where cats may not enjoy physical contact
- In general, cats don’t like having their paws rubbed, and trying to touch their legs often bothers them.
- Even if they are comfortable with their back being stroked, be careful about patting them at the base of their tail. Even if a cat likes it, it’s very easy to overstimulate them in this area.
- Most cats do not like their belly rubbed. When a cat shows you their belly, they are showing that they trust you enough to show you this very vulnerable part. So pressing it is really a betrayal of that trust. Never touch the belly of a cat you don’t know well.
Of course there is a minority of cats that like it (I’m one of those). But usually when I hear of a cat enjoying a belly rub, it’s only on someone they know very well.
- Never touch the cat’s tail. There’s really no reason, because there aren’t any feel-good nerve endings there. And we need that tail to express ourselves, so don’t get in the way of that.
Signs of a cat that is happily cared for
- Purring
- Kneading, or happy paws
- Asking for more strokes by leaning on your hand
- The tail is up and wagging in a slow relaxed manner
- A generally relaxed posture
Signs of a cat that you don’t want to touch them
- No purring or reacting at all. Your feeling is that they are just tolerating you.
- Fixes themselves immediately after you hug them.
- The ears are flat
- Licking their noses. This is usually the language of cats when they are stressed or a little annoyed.
- Pulling away from you, or trying to leave altogether
- The skin on the back is itchy
- Tail swishing quickly back and forth
- Low, quiet grunts, or grunts under the purring.
- Suddenly moving their head towards your hand
Warnings of a cat about to lose patience with you
The easiest way to tell when a cat is done with a grooming session is to stop grooming them. If they want more, they will ask. Otherwise, they won’t, so quit while you’re ahead.
The biggest problem people have with keeping cats is that they ignore the signs, either ignorantly or on purpose. So know the signs – and follow them. You only pet a cat because you want a pleasurable experience. The way to accomplish that is to make sure the cat is having an equally good time.
Hope this helps! If you have any experience with caring for or handling a cat that you want to tell me about, let’s talk about it in the comments.
Here are some helpful posts about cat behavior:
