Dear Amy: Friends regularly ask us to watch their dog, but we never offer any compensation. We are not asking for money, but a gift card would be nice.
They ask us to do it every year for a week in the summer, and then other times throughout the year, usually for a few days, and sometimes a few days during Christmas. We live nearby.
As former dog owners, we understand the work and time involved in managing dogs during the week.
We also understand the costs associated with dog boarding, house sitting, etc. For pet owners, we know these costs can add up.
Reciprocity is minimal (for example, a 12-pack of beer). (This neighbor is a minimalist who also borrows a lot of things from us.)
Although we don’t mind dog watching, it really bothers us that they don’t realize that our time is valuable and that a quick thank you isn’t enough.
We are friendly with four families on this adjacent street and attend a regular Friday gathering.
We had other neighbors in the same group give us a $100 restaurant gift certificate for doing this. We feel like they “got it.”
We are looking for the best way to approach the conversation, because we have been friends for a long time and we don’t want to affect the relationship.
Any ideas?
– Tired Dog
Dear Tired Dog: What you call “minimalist,” I call “cheap.”
The way to deal with this and also preserve the relationship is to be enthusiastic about your willingness to do this for them, and very direct about your terms.
Given that you also pet sit for other friends (you’re obviously skilled, trustworthy and responsible), why don’t you start a business for yourself?
You can register as a pet sitter/walker on a site like Rover.com, set your rate and get paid regularly.
As you know from your time as a pet owner, reliable sitters are worth their weight in kibble. Having friends and neighbors who provide this service is an added value.
Before the next time they come to you to schedule this “favor,” tell your Friday friend group that you’ve registered on a pet care site as a way to keep doing this thing that that you enjoy – and to make some extra income.
Offer to send them a link to your site page. You can offer them a “Friend and Fido” discount if you like. If they refuse to book you – no problem!
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for three years. We are planning to have a child within the next two years.
My problem is that every time we have a serious fight, he threatens to leave me. Sometimes he leaves the house for a few hours, and when he comes back he is calm and apologizes for leaving.
We don’t fight that often, but he always seems to end arguments like this – either by threatening to leave, or by leaving. Sometimes when he gets annoyed he says, “Why don’t we just break up?” and I think that is very painful. Sometimes I lay in bed, worrying about our relationship.
I really love him, and when things are good, they are great. I’m just not sure how to answer this.
Your take?
– Worried
Dear Worried: My first advice is not to have children until you find ways to resolve your differences without the threat of divorce.
This is the nuclear option, and this threat will have a cumulative and very negative effect on your marriage.
Resolving arguments peacefully and learning how to “fight fair” is an important marriage skill.
Your spouse may be carrying tactics or techniques that he witnessed in his own childhood. When he fights back like this, he really exposes how scared and wounded he is.
Both of you will benefit from professional counseling. It will be a huge and positive step for him to trust doing this together.
Dear Amy: “Frustrated Mom” was upset because her daughter’s friend came over and the two girls trashed the playroom. (The mother blamed her son’s friend.)
I agree with your advice to the mother to clean her daughter’s room.
I have a rule for my kids, that you either ask your friends to help you clean or you have to clean yourself.
It also helps them realize who a real friend is!
– Experienced
Dear Experienced: This is a great rule.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
