Cats can be complicated creatures. One second they are cute and cuddly, the next they are smart and crazy. But something less complicated? Finding out if your cat has a favorite person — and why. “Cats have different relationships with different people,” says Mikel Maria Delgado, who holds a doctorate in psychology and is a certified cat behavior consultant at Feline Minds and the author of “Play with Your Cat!” which comes out in March. “They have different preferences when it comes to how they want to play and get love, and one person can provide things that another can’t. It’s as simple as that.”
Here, experts explain why cats gravitate towards one person or another, along with the best ways to interact with your cat if you want to become their favorite person.
Do cats have a favorite person?
“Some cats may have a favorite person and others may not,” says Lori Teller, a doctor of veterinary medicine and clinical professor at the Texas A&M School of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences. “It’s very individual. People who have a favorite person tend to choose the person who is most likely to feed them, give them attention and otherwise meet their needs.
Whether your cat is more inclined to have a favorite person often depends on what they have experienced between four to eight weeks of life. This is known as their socialization window, or the period in a kitten’s life where they are really open to learning about things in their environment, explains Delgado, who also co-authored “Total Cat Mojo” with celebrity cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy.
“If you have a kitten that is socialized with someone during this time, they will be friendly with one person and not with another when they are older. Kittens that socialize with a lot of people, however, will bond with more a lot of people next.”
—Mikel Maria Delgado, a certified cat behavior consultant
“Cats are who they are because of their experiences as a kitten,” Delgado said. “If you have a kitten that is socialized with someone during this time, they will be friendly with one person and not with another when they are older. Kittens that socialize with a lot of people, however, will bond with more a lot of people next.”
This socialization window is the time when cats learn to generalize whether people are “good” or “bad,” he added. “So it’s really important for kittens to have lots of positive experiences with lots of different people during the early socialization window.”
How cats choose their favorite people
Unlike dogs, which often choose a favorite person based on who trained them, cats do not naturally seek hierarchy among other animals and people in their home, Delgado explained. “Cats are not looking for a leader,” Delgado said. “They’re looking for someone they can trust, and they’re looking for someone who can give them all the good things in life.”
So what are the “good things” that cats crave? Here’s a look at the things that often prompt a cat to choose a favorite person:
Food: Who provides basic needs?
Cats who want to be around are likely to choose the person who feeds them the most because it’s a basic need, Teller explains. She encourages cat owners who hope to become a favorite to feed them at mealtimes and provide appropriate treats. “Just remember that treats should not exceed 10 percent of the cat’s diet,” Teller says.
Delgado agrees that training cats with a source of treats is a great way to bond. But to create a healthy relationship, he warns against feeding them from your hands while eating, allowing them to eat in peace.
Positive vibes: Who gets me?
As with dogs, being a source of positive experiences is key when it comes to bonding with a cat, says Delgado. However, cats can have more quirks than their canine friends. Some love to touch it while others hate it. Some like to be cuddled when sleeping, some like to be left alone. Cats want to be around people who exhibit behaviors they like.
“Whether it’s play, treats, brushing, it takes some experimentation and paying attention to what your cat enjoys to make sure you’re providing those things,” says Delgado.
How to know what makes them happy? Pay attention to their body language, he said. If they get tense, run away from you or run away, you are not showing “favorite” behavior in their eyes. Purring, rubbing and clinging to your side are signs that your cat likes what’s going on.
And when you find something they like? Big! “If your cat enjoys catnip, then offer that too,” says Teller. “Or play with them with a fishing rod-type toy or laser pointer. It’s a great way to interact and give your cat some exercise.”
Comfort: Who has the calmest demeanor?
“Many cats tend to prefer someone with a calmer personality and more predictable movements,” says Teller. “So, someone who speaks in a lower voice and doesn’t move in a mischievous way is more likely to be a ‘favorite’.
With this in mind, it’s often women as opposed to men who become the cat’s favorite person, Delgado said. This is because their natural characteristics can make them more endearing to cats, including a quieter voice, smaller frame and lighter footfall when walking around the house.
Calmness is key for those who want to be their cat’s favorite. “Talk to them in a way they can understand, including using a soft tone of voice, moving slowly and predictably and making eye contact in a non-aggressive way,” recommends Teller.
A sign that you are your cat’s favorite person
Just like whether or not your kitten has a favorite person, the signs that you are the chosen one will vary and depend on the cat. In general, Delgado says the following behaviors can point to someone in the house being more desirable than others:
- Your cat will often sit on your lap alone.
- Your cat is looking to you for other people’s attention.
- Your cat vocalizes, or meows, when you leave the house.
- Your cat shows signs of stress when you’re not around.
Don’t think your cat has a favorite person? That’s normal too. There are other signs you can look for that signal a happy cat, according to Teller. “There are ways to tell if a cat loves you, even if you’re not necessarily the favorite, and being loved is what really matters,” she said.
Here are some things cats do to show they love you:
- Kneading you, also known as “making biscuits”
- Purring while you care for them
- Rubbing their body against you, also known as scent marking
- Fixing your hair
- Bringing you their favorite toys – or even a small animal they caught outside
- It exposes its belly to you
- Sleeping next to you
“There are ways to know if a cat loves you, even if you’re not necessarily the favorite, and being loved is what really matters.”
—Lori Teller, a doctor of veterinary medicine and clinical professor at the Texas A&M School of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences
Bonding vs. imprinting: Do cats imprint on a person?
Imprinting is a term used to describe when an animal becomes very attached to another animal or human that is not its biological mother, Delgado explained. But while it may certainly look like your cat has fallen right away to love you or trust you more than anyone else, imprinting is definitely not a phenomenon that happens to cats.
“There are two forms that a newborn animal can take when it comes to trust,” Delgado explained. “There are some who don’t need a lot of care from their parents and since they don’t have a long period of care with a caregiver, the first thing they see is their ‘mom.’ These animals are called precocial animals, and they include pets such as birds, horses and guinea pigs.
Cats, however, are known as altricial animals because they enter the world largely dependent on their mother. “Kittens are born helpless,” Delgado said. “They are blind, cannot hear and need their mother for warmth and protection. Because they have an extended period of maternal care, they do not bond immediately. It takes time.”
Can cats change their favorite person?
“Cats are cats, and they can do whatever they want,” says Teller – an observation we’re sure any cat owner can relate to! “They can love a lot of people, so they probably aren’t changing favorites, they’re just expanding their circle of people they care about. There’s definitely no limit to how many people they can love.”
The bottom line on whether cats have a favorite person
“You shouldn’t expect your cat to fall in love with you at first sight,” says Delgado. “They’re a trust-but-verify kind of species that need more time to get to know you. It’s a natural thing if they don’t jump into your lap right away. They just need time to get used to you. ” And once they do, you can become your cat’s favorite person.
