My dear dogs, I know you are here because you care about your canine friends and want them to live forever. At the same time, we all know that one day, we will have to say goodbye.
Losing a dog is like losing a child and sharing our experiences, knowing we are not alone, makes the loss easier to bear. This is why I decided to continue sharing a letter, I wrote to my beloved Skai, who died in May 2017.
I wrote this on the way back from Norway, where I was doing business, and I admit, I cried the entire flight back to Vancouver. It was very difficult to return home, but writing this letter made it easier.
May 17, 2017….
my sweet friend,
Today is a very, very big day. The kind of day most dog lovers fear more than our own death.
I didn’t get much sleep last night – maybe two hours would be best. I’m nine time zones away from you because of work. I didn’t realize how hard it was when I left. Perhaps, deep down I don’t want to see what is already obvious to you.
Your injury took a lot out of you. You’re sixteen, that’s twice eight, or 112, in human years. That’s old for a big dog like you. But it’s been so long since you did it that I almost forgot. You’re not even very white, your coat is shiny and the neurologist who saw you last week couldn’t believe how good your teeth were.
When we went to your neurologist, Uncle Nick, and he told us that you had suffered a serious cervical disc injury, I should have hinted, but at that moment I was not a veterinarian. I am one hundred percent that your father and father do not want to see their children leave, not for school, not for travel and especially not for good.
When a baggage porter accidentally swung a heavy suitcase and hit you in the head two weeks ago, you tried to be brave at first, but then I had to carry you on the flight. Westjet people are amazing. They flew us home and then one of their employees and a dog lover came to check on you when we arrived. But I saw the sparkle in your eyes was gone. We know, considering your age and diagnosis, surgery is not an option. I don’t want you to experience that, my sweet friend. You don’t deserve to suffer, it’s more on us than you.
Deep inside, I hope you come back like before. Bold, shiny, sweet and full of beans. You always care, so you worry about others. Always ready to help, asking: “What do you need? What can I do for you? What else, what else?!” It’s you – Mr. Skai Wantstofly, a border collie at heart, more human than dog.
When we met, you were holding a bone, growling at all your brothers, fiercely defending your prized possession. But when you saw me, your bone fell, forgot about the grumble and came to say hi. That’s how the story begins.
Yes, it’s true that your people told me you’d be aggressive and that I shouldn’t choose you, but they couldn’t be more wrong. All I have to do is take you two bones and teach you, by changing them, that there is always enough food for you.
Over time, you have become Zen dog, our pride and joy, a true best friend! Over time, you have taught me so much and inspired hundreds of thousands, or possibly millions of dog lovers to take better care of their best friends. You are a true canine ambassador and I am so happy to have lived in your shadow. You are the hero and I am your father.
And then there are the girls. Boy, you love girls! You kind of dialed it in, walking on the beach or in the park, lying at their feet! Women love men who are at their feet and you are an expert at that. Your success rate is pretty close to 100 percent.
In fact, you’re the only guy I know who sleeps in bed on the first night every time. That’s a skill many men want to have!
Yes, I know, sometimes Labs and Golden Retrievers are difficult. They look like Italians. Loud, messy and friendly. “Manger, manger!!! Mama Mia!!!” For you, they are a bit too much.
You are the master of manners and etiquette, and your ancestors are British. Many people have told me that you are the best trained and well behaved dog and I agree. Your manners lead you to be my guide and protector, my service dog to help me on my sleepwalk. Yes, I sleepwalk and have since I was a child. When I was in vet school, I walked through a glass door and almost died. But since I got you, you made sure I was safe. You are my guardian, and I am yours.
Adventures! Oh boy, you lived for adventures and we had so many! There is enough for a whole book. Remember when we paid our air mile points and flew you to Paris first class? As a service dog, you get to fly in the cabin and have your own pillow! And there’s a woman who fits because there’s a dog in the cabin. If I had an airline, I would fly all dogs first class and put all anti-dog people in cargo!
It’s great to see my crazy dreams come true. You run around the Eiffel Tower, you love that. Also around the Louvre pyramid. Do you remember how we put you on the lap of a female statue in the park and took a picture? You smile like you understand it’s funny. That picture is one of my favorites.
There’s a point where you’re clearly trying to tell me I’m burning out at work. You gave me the idea to live a more balanced life, do yoga, enjoy nature and spend the winter months in Maui. I love doing yoga in the park with you because I see you sleeping and chasing rabbits.
The first time I took you to Hawaii, we flew to the island of Oahu. I took you to the beach, the water was warm. You taught me that anything is possible. You were seven years old then.
When you were a puppy, I almost thought you didn’t love me because you were always ready to take risks with your other human and dog friends. But one day, we went to a lake and everyone tried to coax you into the water, but you didn’t go.
Then I jumped in and in a second you were in the water, trying to ‘save’ me. Maybe my swimming style made you think I was drowning?
Your sister, Peggy was a very special friend to you and to us too. Do you know, originally, I chose her, but then she started to run away from me. Obviously, he has a plan. He doesn’t want me to leave you. Have you ever wondered what would happen if I left you? I can’t imagine. It was meant to be.
Not many dogs get the chance to see their sister or brother every week. I love spending time with my siblings, so I could understand how much you loved being with him and especially loved sleepovers.
I could go on and on, write about our adventures and cry my heart out because today was a rough day. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had a harder day in my life and there have been some tough ones!
You were barely walking when I took you to your favorite park the other day and I saw a little stuffed doggie leaning against a pole. I couldn’t believe my eyes because you look exactly like the doggie, brown and white and even with glasses. That’s you! I brought the little stuffed “you” to Norway because I missed the real you so much.
And then there was a phone call. You didn’t do well. The call I dreaded the most. I saw your eyes and I knew you were asking me to let you go. You haven’t eaten or walked for three days and you’re waiting for me to come home.
I spent three hours looking for flights to see how I could get to you faster. It is interesting that the same airline that flew us home when you were injured is now flying me to you.
I’m on my way and I know you’re waiting. They say the greatest expression of love is when we let go of someone despite the pain we feel.
I know I can go to heroic lengths. I know I could take you through the procedures, but that would mean more suffering. I broke a lot today. Walking through airports, not caring if anyone sees me crying. I knew I was going home to help you and it felt like something ripped my heart out.
I don’t want to let you go, but I know the greatest expression of my love is to let you go.
I’ll hug you, I’ll kiss you, I’ll lie next to you and then I’ll let you go because I love you.
I am writing this letter on the plane to pass the time, ease the pain and be closer to you.
You, Mr. Skai Wantstofly, the big reason why my life has been so good. You taught me how to be a better vet and a physician, you showed me how to be a better person and that the greatest purpose in life is to help others and spend time with family and friends.
So, when I get to Vancouver we will act like big boys who know that the real you is timeless and limitless and in our world you will not be left behind. I can take a little longer because there are a lot of people. Often, I see people hanging on for too long. I know you love to run and I don’t want you to be really hard, unable to walk and not eating. You tell me to let you go.
You see, I’m terrified right now, but I know I have to be strong. As a vet, I have seen many heartbreaks but I also learned that the biggest expression of love is to let you go my friend, even though it hurts like hell.
Just wait Mr. Skai, I’m coming….
________________
Note: I arrived in Vancouver at 1 pm on Wednesday. May 17, 2017. When I got home, Skai was waiting on her favorite sofa, a pillow under her head. (He likes the pillow) We spend some time together. His loved ones are by his side. He died at 4:30 pm Pacific Time at his home in North Vancouver, Canada.
Our hearts are broken and it will take time to recover from losing him so quickly.
My family and I thank everyone for all the messages of support and encouragement.
I promise to continue to be there for you and your dogs as soon as possible.
With love and gratitude,
D
Mr. Skai Wantstofly 2001 – 2017